So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
