guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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