Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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