sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
