woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
