mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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