I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
