He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
