At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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