I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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