On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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