I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
