So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
