I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
