i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
