Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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