I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
