i was born a porn star she said
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
