it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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