Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize