Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
