I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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