Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
