Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
