Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
