my phone needs a breathalizer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize