So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize