I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
