Your tits are I can't wait for
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
