i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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