apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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