I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
