Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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