on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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