I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
