I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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