can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
