I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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