The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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