I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
