That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
