His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
