after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
