I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
