I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
