i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
