if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
