Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
