my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
