Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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