i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize