I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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