trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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