The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The power of my boobs compel you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize