i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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