so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize