I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was like eating out sand paper
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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