your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
