I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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