I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
