I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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