I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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