he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have tasted many bathrooms
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
