when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
