remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
