So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
