I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
