Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
