So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
