I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
