i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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