Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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